Finding Balance During the Busy Holiday Season by Gena McCown

Most of us would consider ourselves pretty busy. We manage to balance our homes, families, and putting aside time for a little self-care. Then, the holiday season rolls in and everything goes awry.

The pressure at work builds up, end-of-year deadlines approach, kids’ activities and events, work holiday parties to attend, extended family obligations, friends’ holiday gatherings, gift shopping, cookie exchanges, and church programs; now with a schedule that is overloaded, you feel overwhelmed.

How do you find balance during a season when everyone wants your attention and your presence? How do you survive this season without feeling like at any moment it will all come crashing to the floor? Your energy is fading, your schedule is stretched too thin, and ultimately you just don’t have any more mental capacity.

There are three things you can do to find balance this holiday season. First, set clear boundaries. Second, embrace your best yes. Third, extend alternative options.

Set Clear Boundaries

Before the invitations and expectations arrive in your inbox, pre-set your boundaries for the season. Grab your calendar and a pencil, and jot down any non-negotiables that must happen during the next couple of months. These are work deadlines, doctors’ appointments, events that involve your immediate family (spouse, children), etc. The things that you absolutely must do, no exceptions.

Then, take a look at your what availability you have left over. Ask yourself some questions, such as:

• How many days/nights do I want to be out per week?
• What is my weekly available budget for spending on events/activities?
• What will bring me joy?

How you answer these questions will vary, person to person. Introverted families might be comfortable with no more than two nights out per week, but an extroverted family might thrive on being out every single night. Families with a bit of both, will need to find compromise. What works for your family, is what is important. Don’t compare yourself to others.

Use the answers to these questions to help you decide what you are going to say yes to, and what invitations you will decline. These guidelines are a litmus to test every event against. If an invitation arrives, and you already maxed that week out with events (or have already met your allotted budget for that week), you are now faced with a choice. Does this new invitation bring me joy? If not, decline it. If it does, then ask yourself what you can cancel or reschedule to make room.

Embrace Your Best Yes

When something doesn’t bring you joy, and you really don’t want to attend it… but are doing simply out of obligation… you are not giving your best yes. If an invitation or event doesn’t bring you joy, or even more frustration than it seems to be worth, learn to let it go.

When you learn to empower the no, that means everything you say yes to will be getting the best of you. Not the tired, worn out, over-scheduled, burned-out you.

Say yes only to the things that matter most to you, bring you the most joy, and are a blessing. Obviously, this doesn’t mean telling your boss that you are not coming in for your regularly scheduled workday because you’d rather be at your friend’s brunch.

Be responsible in how you use your yes and your no. For example, if your church has a Christmas function, but you’ve also received twelve invitations to individual parties from people within the church… which one is your best yes?

When you do decline, couple it with a “thank you for thinking of me” or “I do appreciate the invite, maybe next time.” Do not feel obligated to explain your no. Generally, once you start explaining your no, people will try to work around it. Come later. Bring her with you. Can’t you do that later? If you open that door, guilt can often make you feel an obligation that isn’t healthy.

Extend Alternative Options

You may genuinely have more people that you want to see and spend time with compared to your availability. Remind yourself that your opportunity to spend time with these friends and family is not limited through December 31. You can turn down a holiday party invitation with an extended offer of an alternative event, date, or time.

Ask yourself if this is something that must be done right now, or can it be shifted to a later date, when there is more free time available? Host a party during a less busy holiday or time of year. Plan a fun weekend getaway.

Maximize these types of alternatives by inviting several people from the same friend group. This concept works well with invitations your children may receive, as well. After responding no, extend the invitation for a sleep over in the new year before the children return to school.

Consider alternative activities, dates, etc. that can be spread out through the new year. Say yes to the things that must be done now, the things that bring you the most joy. Approach the season with a plan before the invitations and expectations start rolling in. The best way to find balance, is to intentionally plan for it.

Gena McCown is the author of Women’s Ministry with Purpose. She lives in South Florida with her husband and 3 daughters. Gena serves her local church and community as a ministry leader, teacher, and developing female leaders. To learn more about Gena visit: www.GenaBMcCown.com

Photo credit: Aliso Anton