How To Be During A Transition

I know you’ve heard about the “unprecedented” years we’ve lived through and the many, many, many events that have shaped our lives therein.

On a personal level, these years hold the transitions that have molded me into a different person.

In 2020 I became a mother at the literal start of the pandemic. My husband worked from home and I was a mother to our son for an entire 18 months before we returned to a more normal version of our lives.

In 2022 I became pregnant again, and we started discussing the need for another transition. Moving back to our hometown and to our base of support, Memphis.

We transitioned again by changing our plans for buying a house, and living with family for 8 months. During our stay with family our daughter made a surprise entrance, throwing us into the thick of one to one parenting while most of our baby equipment sat languishing in the storage unit. It was buried so deep under the furniture there was no way to get to the things we needed.

When Things Change

As humanity on the earth we transitioned from a firm definition of normalcy to an understanding that, like so much of life, ‘normal’ is an ever sliding scale. One day normal is eating Mac and cheese and French toast sticks. The next day normal is refusing to eat both.

Yes, this is an example from my 3-year-old, but the sentiment still holds true for us grown-ups too. One day to the next holds heaps of promise and also, much uncertainty.

On any given day we might wake up to another day in the expected life, or it could be the day our life changes forever, for better or for worse. Often when making these transitions we’re not given extra time to adjust or adapt to the changes. Transitions are a crash course in adaptability and knowing when to bend, but we’re not always prepared for them when they come.

When you’re buying a house or expecting a baby there is advance time to prepare. I know the broad strokes of what to expect, the sleepless nights and thousands upon thousands diaper changes, or where to put the furniture and store the potatoes. Almost always though, what I walk into at the moment of change is rarely the same as the thing for which I prepared. Once the switch flips–the closing papers are signed, the baby is thrust into your arms, or she shouts an excited yes!–you’re expected to be an expert at something you’ve only just begun to understand.

What We Know

In December 2022 I made another scary transition–well, scary to me. I started a new job in a field which is completely foreign to me. Insecurity, my constant companion, brought flashbacks to another job that didn’t end well.

This opportunity sort of fell into my lap. Yes, I know that sounds cliché, and it is. But it really did happen. On a whim, I asked an acquaintance about any vacancies at her work, and to my surprise, she answered, yes.

Even in the midst of people who clearly wanted me to succeed and never tired of answering my questions, the moment I made a small (or big) mistake my heart began to thump louder and beat faster, as if a hummingbird with lead wings were trapped inside my chest.

Transitions often leave us floundering, flopping like a fish frantic for water. In the moment, preparation means nothing as we grasp for a lifeline to pull us to safety, to certainty, to solid ground beneath our feet.

It’s in these moments of panicked insecurity, as our hearts fill with poured out desperation that we feel the anvil tied around our ankles, pulling us farther and farther into the drowning deep. But this crushing darkness is the exactly where we need to be to see the smallest pinprick of light.

What To Do

If you’re like me and change is not as easy you’d like it to be, you probably aren’t as big a fan of transition periods as you might like to be or pretend to be. It’s not an exhaustive list by any means, but I’ve compiled a few things to consider as you enter a transition.

1. Hold space for what you feel

Last weekend my husband and I got a CostCo membership, and it was a big deal. I am a Sam’s woman. I’ve only ever had a membership there, where my cousin works and I have fond memories of walking the aisles searching for samples on a Sunday. As we perused the aisles of Costco– what I previously thought of as the upper echelon of big box stores– I was genuinely impressed with what I saw. As I rounded a corner in the freezer section, I asked Ryan why I fought so hard against switching our membership for so long, and his quick reply was revealing. “You don’t like change.”

At the first sign of change I dig my heels into the dirt and hang onto whatever is around me for dear life. Transitions are hard. Changing from the familiar to the uncertain or unknown feels risky, and we want to remain in what is safe. The feelings you experience during a transition are not bad in themselves. I believe our feelings can be the lighted path leading us back to God if we give them the space they need to breathe.

2. Let go of fear

Anticipating a transition only gives me more time to build up my expectations for what I will actually experience when it comes. I pushed hard against switching our membership, citing all the reasons why we should just stay where we were comfortable, familiar, safe. I thought about how the location is more difficult to get to and how their gas station has no directional arrows to follow (madness). I thought about the hassle of getting our cards and enduring the credit card sales pitch. I thought about how I am a Sam’s person.
To say I was afraid of switching my membership from Sam’s to CostCo is an exaggeration, but the fear of change is all too real. It’s a fear I’m learning is already deeply embedded in my soul, and one I was unaware of until my sweet husband pointed it out to me. What I’m continuing to learn is change is hard, but it does not mean it is bad. My fear of change is what makes the change harder. If I could allow myself to move through the change without holding so tightly to not changing because I am afraid of what it will bring, the transition would not be nearly as bumpy.

3. Stay open to the holy spirit

Given I am staunchly and stubbornly against even the smallest change–digging my heels in at switching a big box store membership–and understanding that fear makes us act in ways not as ourselves, how do we move forward during transitions? It may sound like a trite answer, a cliché answer, but I can’t push past fear and move through change without first remaining open to what the holy spirit whispers.
When we find ourselves in the middle of a sudden move, beginning a new job, learning something new at an old job, or simply living our everyday lives the holy spirit softly speaks, but we won’t hear it when we invite the multiple whispers of fear into the conversation. Two voices whispering isn’t difficult to hear, but fear doesn’t use only one voice to bring you to a sudden halt.
Don’t be pushed by fear, the dirt piling up at your feet as you struggle against it. Be led by love in the gentle embrace of the holy spirit.