Needing Jesus More Than Me-Time: How Self-Care Still Leaves Us Wanting
The self-care industry makes a killing on moms.
We’re a group of women asked consistently to go above and beyond the call of duty for our kids, spouses, families, and homes. Not to mention, working moms who also manage to prioritize their work. There’s a reason the jokes about moms being eternally exhausted are funny and sad at the same time. It’s because they’re true.
Moms are tired. This is not to say our spouses don’t work just as hard to carry an equal share of the load, but when it comes to running a household and raising a family a lot of the mental load naturally falls on our shoulders.
We (the moms) make the yearly well-visit check-up appointments, the dentist and specialist appointments. We keep track of when it’s our turn to bring snacks to t-ball practice or Sunday School classes. We manage playdates, family gatherings, and birthday parties. We track washing, folding, and putting away laundry, washing dishes, cooking meals, prepping snacks, and keeping the right kind of apple juice in stock.
To say our plates are full is putting it mildly. If anyone is in need of a warm, lavender scented bath or a weekend retreat at the beach, it’s us.
More Than A Hot Bath and Exercise
There’s something about getting those uninterrupted moments of relaxation and rest that somehow make me feel the other me beneath the layers of administrator, events manager, and caregiver. As if the soapy suds or salt-infused air can bring the woman I am underneath the monotony back to the surface for a needed breath of fresh air.
Some days the moments I have to focus on my own well-being and mental health (keeping the bathroom door shut while peeing, anyone?) are the most life-giving of the entire day.
But is self-care truly the cure-all for the hidden need beneath the surface?
On a physical level, yes. Taking a hot bath, lying down for a nap, reading an un-put-down-able book, exercising and moving your body, or eating the snack you didn’t want to share during naptime. They’re all good things to do that help you take care of yourself, and we need that kind of care.
We can’t the best mom to our kids without taking care of ourselves too. Being a good steward of what God’s given us doesn’t simply refer to our finances, but also to the physical bodies He gave us.
Living in an Endless Moment
I believe there is an even deeper need under the self-care gospel preached at us from social platforms and the friend who started selling something online. A need for fulfillment. A need to see Jesus showing up amid the hustle and bustle and mundane, everyday of our lives.
Many moms feel a deep desire for fulfillment in the precious work we do each day, especially if you don’t find that fulfillment in working outside the home. On good days I feel a great deal of satisfaction and fulfillment raising and caring for our son, but there some not-so-good-days too. The days when I wonder about the value of the work I’m doing, about being seen as more than ‘just a mom.’
I crave the extraordinary even as I once again walk the rutted, worn path of the ordinary. We see the message of self-care, to make ourselves a priority and hope it will fill the well of our soul. From soaking in lukewarm water to using nap time for a workout to applying the charcoal face mask after tidying up the house and the kids are put to bed, there’s a lot riding on self-care.
There’s a need underlying the desire for more ‘me time’ that maybe we can’t quite name. I know it’s there, but it’s elusive and ephemeral as a wisp of smoke rising from the embers of a tamped down fire.
It’s a desire for more than just washing dishes and clothes, more than potty-training and calming wildly erratic emotional outbursts, more than being a chauffeur to soccer, band, or track practices. Moms want to feel like their lives are more than this seemingly endless moment we’re living in.
The only way it becomes more is through Jesus.
Craving the Extraordinary
If self-care isn’t going to help me fill the well of need within me, then how do I do it? I am so glad you asked, friend. For more fulfillment in your day-to-day life and less chasing after a moving target, here are 3 steps to let Jesus into your self-care routines.
1. Don’t pour from an empty cup – If you’re consistently pouring into the people around you it’s important to keep your cup full. We can’t give what we don’t have. Jesus said to the woman at the well that “whoever drinks from the water that I will give him will never get thirsty again. In fact, the water I will give him will become a well of water springing up in him for eternal life” (John 4: 14). Whether it’s through reading God’s word or praying each morning, get a refill of the living water.
2. Do what makes you come most fully alive – We all have that one activity or hobby that makes us come alive more fully to our true selves. Mine is sitting in a coffee shop to read or write while sipping on a caramel macchiato, preferably in a real cup, uninterrupted for at least an hour. Whenever I have this luxury, I feel more like myself. Sit down with your spouse and schedule a time when you can do what makes you come most fully alive to yourself. You were created with a unique heart and spirit which requires
it’s own unique way of being tended. Even Jesus did what was unique to Him to do the will of God more effectively.
3. Ask for help – It seems like such a simple tip, but if you’re anything like me, it’s hard to ask for help when I really need it. A strange form of pride keeps us from admitting when we can’t keep going the way we’re going. There is no shame in needing help, be it cleaning your house, needing someone to watch the kids, or simply getting a moment by yourself. Don’t let yourself feel so depleted that you burnout. Showing your kids how to ask for help is a better example to set than teaching them how to be a martyr.
If you find these tips helpful, leave a comment below to tell me which one was most helpful to you!
