Let it Sit Before Reacting
It’s 2016 and I am standing behind the cupcake case on the counter, waiting for the next customer to make his selections. At 6:30 and with only 30 minutes until closing, my weariness at the long day begins to show.
I place two red velvet cupcakes, towering with cream cheese frosting into little green boxes and move to the cash register. As he’s handing me his money, the young man says, “You know, you’d be prettier if you smiled more.”
For a moment, I can’t believe what I’ve just heard, and I’m caught off guard by the comment. I lift my eyes to his face and stare at him as I hand over his change, his smile wide.
Could this man not see how tired I felt, or how much my back hurt after standing and stooping for hours? Could he not see my frustration at being a new graduate student navigating the politics I hadn’t anticipated? Or literally any other aspect of life I struggled with at the time?
Of course, I know this stranger didn’t know any of these things about me, but it didn’t stop me from running through the list in that moment.
There’s no doubt we are a reactionary people. We like to share our thoughts and opinions the moment they’re formed on the social outlet of our choice.
Another story you’ve most likely heard of involves a woman in the wrong, judged harshly for her mistakes until someone steps in on her behalf.
We don’t know anything about her except she’s been caught in the act of adultery. She is either married, cheating on her husband, or caught with a man while unmarried.
All we know about her is this one thing. We no none of the good things she’s done or the quirks that make her, her. All the information we get to know about her is what she’s done wrong.
The ancient Jewish world in which she was caught punished this moral offense by stoning the participant to death.
Imagining myself in this woman’s place before a crowd of gathered people, airing my mistake publicly makes me shake with fear.
Feeling their eyes boring into me. Hearing their accusations hurled at me as they begin to pick up their stones. Knowing my fate and that I will not receive mercy from their judgement, I stand anticipating the first hit.
What I don’t expect is the calm voice among the jeers saying, “The one without sin among you should be the first to throw a stone at her.”
Shaking with fear, I lift my eyes to see them all walking away, except one man scratching some writing on the dusty ground.
“Neither do I condemn you. Go and sin no more.”
It’s a well-known story in the Bible and a prime example of Christ’s compassion for all the people He met on earth, even those who were different from Him.
Are we so different from the crowd about to stone a woman to death for her mistake? No, not really. We may not use literal stones, but we hurl out insults that bruise just as deeply.
In our reaction-happy world we rarely take time to let our reaction sit within us before sharing it. Before we know what we’re doing, we’ve let our reaction out into the world, vilifying and eviscerating the people involved.
Our knee-jerk reactions rarely reflect well on us, revealing, instead, our true beliefs.
Although the woman caught in the literal act of adultery was most definitely guilty, Jesus chose not to judge her. He chose compassion over condemnation and love over the heat of the moment.
Waiting to react goes against our natures, in most cases, and it’s a hard skill to improve.
Maybe our first step is holding back onto our reaction to that person who just cut you off in traffic, to the waiter who got your order wrong, to the cashier who has an attitude, or to that one person at work who always seems to have an issue.
It’s not a world-changing concept and you’ve probably heard it before from someone you trust more than me.
But before you react to any of these scenarios, allowing the frustration of your day, week or month, boil over onto them, take a moment.
Remember back to your first job at a place you didn’t like with coworkers you didn’t exactly like either. Remember when you were the one taking orders behind the counter and smelled like fresh French fries for hours after your shift ended.
Remember, they are people too, who have frustrating lives of their own.
Rather than spilling your frustration, hand them a little kindness, instead, and see them as the image bearers of God they are.
Let us be slow to judge and quick to lend a hand to those who need it. May the example set out by Jesus be our guidepost, leading us to show compassion and love, rather than condemnation and judgement.
