Valentine’s Day Disappoinments
Valentine’s Day celebrations were never my favorite thing. They always left me more disappointed than full of the honey-glow of love. That’s because it’s hard to manufacture a Hollywood perfect romance without the help of a camera crew, lighting, and lots of editing. Valentine’s Day, in particular, always left a little to be desired by the end of the day.
Remember the episode in season two of The Office where Pam tells Roy she doesn’t want a gift for Valentine’s Day? She doesn’t want a fuss made. Her reasoning is they’re saving money for their wedding, a valiant effort. She then proceeds to spend the entire day watching her co-worker, Phyllis, receive gift, after more elaborate gift from her boyfriend, Bob Vance of Vance Refrigeration. By the end of the day, she’s upset with Roy for not sending her even a small gift.
Many women know exactly what Pam was up to. She put Roy to the test, but only proved two things in doing so. The first, she didn’t communicate her true feelings to Roy. What Pam really wanted for Valentine’s Day was any indication, however small, her fiancé thought about her without needing to be prompted on her part. The second thing Pam proved was their incompatibility. This one doesn’t tie into this article, but we all know, even then, Pam loved Jim. Forever and always.
We’ve all used the same trick in our relationships at least once. I’ll bet it left you feeling exactly the way Pam felt in this episode of The Office, unappreciated and unloved. From Pam’s perspective, Roy should have known on his own what to do on this holiday. He should have known to ignore her request for no gift exchange and brought her a blush pink rose to the office for Pam to put on display.
The problem in this scenario is Pam is placing the burden of her happiness and, subsequent, disappointment all on Roy. When I neglect to tell my husband, Ryan, my expectations ahead of time on Valentine’s Day, or any other holiday for that matter, the only person I can fault for my disappointment is me.
It’s not nearly as romantic if I have to ask for a romantic, planned out evening, or even if I ask for a quiet night at home with him. I might wish my husband was intuitive enough to simply know what I want, but that mindset is holding him up to a standard he didn’t ask for. Even further, it promises disappointment from the outset.
One reason for this somewhat unexpected disappointment we all feel on Valentine’s day is we are told by social media and romantic comedy movies we should expect romance, sweeping off our feet moments, and elaborate and expensive gifts. Even the men in our lives are conditioned to believe this is what we want. In reality, however, what we crave more than anything on this big, love day is to feel appreciated, to feel special, and to spend quality time with our significant other.
The problem is we don’t want to admit we don’t want the big, flashy Valentine’s Day over-priced chocolates, gifts, and fancy restaurants. For some reason, it’s difficult to admit all we really want is to know that special person in our lives is thinking about us. While I’m not a huge fan of the holiday and subscribe to the opinion that we should treat our significant others as if they’re special every day on the calendar, I know how it feels to be the only person who doesn’t receive a gift on Valentine’s Day.
