Soul Minimalism as a Pathway out of People-Pleasing

What I’m finding to be most helpful more than any list, question, or sage advice is simply to get quiet in a room with Jesus on the regular, not for the sake of an answer but for the sake of love.

– Emily P. Freeman, The Next Right Thing

At this very moment the designated junk spot on our kitchen counter—where we pile up the junk mail, the magazines we didn’t sign up to receive, and small objects that need a home—have spilled across their boundary. I’m sure you have a junk spot in your home. It may not be in the kitchen, but they are a necessary evil. When our junk spot overflows it pushes everything on the counter to the right. The space on the counters gets smaller, and any open spots become new junk spots, until the entire kitchen is big pile of junk.

When I walk into our cluttered, junked up kitchen it makes me want to throw everything away and start over from scratch. To get everything out of the kitchen, so we can start fresh. In these moments I get grand ideas of becoming a minimalist. Throwing all the extra things hiding in my closet out to the curb. Creating a fresh palate from which to work in our house. But converting to an entirely new lifestyle is harder than simply throwing out the piles of junk and finding homes for the stacks of books and bills and random objects.

Becoming a Soul Minimalist

I read about the idea of soul minimalism in Emily P. Freeman’s book, The Next Right Thing. She discussed the concept of letting go of what we no longer need on a soul level, like we would with the junk on the kitchen countertops. The more I read about this concept of becoming a soul minimalist the connection to people-pleasing became clearer. Becoming a soul minimalist is a pathway out of the people-pleasing mindset and ensuing behaviors we enact because of it.

When the kitchen is too cluttered with stuff it feels oppressive and heavy and like there’s no room left to cook dinner. My thought process goes something like this: Wow, there is so much junk over there. We need to clean that up soon. I’ll just move over to this spot to chop vegetables, and I’ll push this stuff to that corner. This tiny square is not big enough to do all of this. I can’t cook dinner with just this little square in which to work!

Small piles become big piles one item at a time. It’s the passive decision to overlook the mess, to overlook the responsibility I have to keep this area clean that creates the problem. In the end I push the problem to tomorrow’s list of worries and hope for the best, rather than simply deal with the issue when it arises.

Our Internal Junk Drawer

Soul clutter is the same way. In her book, Emily P. Freeman said this about soul clutter, “Our soul receives frequent input with infrequent output…

We are naturally complex creatures, made up of various systems…Complexity has its place. But when our souls are filled with clutter, what is meant to be complex and awe-inspiring can become complicated and exhausting.”

Clutter is hoarding the old magazines, the junk mail, the thank you note, the doctor bill, the classroom newsletter from your child’s school because you can’t let them go. Soul clutter keeping the volume turned up too high on the voices I shouldn’t let speak into my life as much as I do, while keeping the voice that speaks truth and light over me at a lower volume or muted altogether.

Turn Down the Volume on Your Critics

I can’t listen to myself without turning the volume down or off completely on other sources of input, and I can’t listen for Jesus’s small, still voice with the volume as high as it will go on my critics. When there’s too much happening internally, I can’t easily name what I need or identify my next right step. Too much input with no output for too long keeps me out of touch with myself, as if I’m only a visitor in my body instead of the resident.

Living out of touch with ourselves prevents us from recognizing

• When I need to be gentle with myself, instead of a critical judge.
• When my boundaries are crossed , instead of letting things slide.
• When I need to feel a little more loved, instead white-knuckling through the pain.
• When I think I can earn that love, instead of performing for others.
• When I keep myself silent, instead of speaking my opinions and thoughts out loud.

The solution to our soul clutter problem is not to make a sweeping declaration to become a soul minimalist but never actually do anything about it. A great example of this is when Michael Scott declares bankruptcy by pronouncing his declaration to the office. Yes, he said it out loud, but did anything actually happen? As with most lasting practices, doing a little each day, a little at a time adds up. The longer we stick with our small practice of doing a little each day, each moment, the more we’ll see the results of our work.

Clear the Clutter

A couple of months ago I decided one way to keep my kitchen clear of overwhelming clutter was to do a little each day. After my son goes to bed most nights, I move to the kitchen sink where I wash the dishes from the day. Next, I do a quick wipe down of the stove and the kitchen table. Then, I throw away any obvious pieces of trash laying around. This simple routine keeps my kitchen from becoming overwhelming to walk into and the piles of junk to a minimum, and it doesn’t take long to do either.

The same is true about soul clutter. We simply clear the clutter in a different way. Instead of physically picking up trash, washing dishes, and wiping down surfaces, I find the quiet. For a few minutes or longer I let myself simply sit in quiet stillness, getting back in touch with my body and mind. You don’t have to close your eyes, but if that helps you get back in touch with yourself, do it. Sometimes this practice happens when I read my book before going to sleep. Other times it’s standing at the kitchen sink or literally sitting down to breathe.

Whichever way you choose to practice this, you’re finding ways to keep your soul tethered to your body and to the present. You’re finding ways to stay grounded. Seeking our friend Jesus or showing up knowing He’ll be there is an excellent touchstone to use throughout the day. Wash the dishes, fold the laundry, cook the dinner, toss the salad, walk the dog, stand on the back porch, smell the falling rain. Use these opportunities to empty your soul into Jesus.

What happens when we empty ourselves at His feet? He fills us back up to the brim and overflowing. When you approach with an open heart and upturned palms, you will never leave Jesus’ presence feeling emptier than before.

Photo Credit: Photo by Uliana Kopanytsia on Unsplash