Struggling for Mental Space with Mom Brain

Going out for a cup of coffee or a handcrafted espresso beverage, as they’re called at Starbucks, has been one of my favorite past times throughout the years.

Ryan and I enjoyed going to coffee shops early on in our relationship and before the quarantine of 2020. It’s not something we do all the time, but a simple pleasure we like to treat ourselves to every couple of weeks.

As we have almost every conceivable coffee making kitchen gadget, short of an actual espresso machine, we don’t go all the time. Not to mention the money savings of making our own drinks at home.

Of late Starbucks is our go-to simply because it’s quick, easy, and we get rewards for using them. If you haven’t tried the Cocoa Cloud Macchiato yet, you’re missing out!

After Owen came home from the hospital it’s a tradition we continue to practice, simply opting for the drive-thru rather than a table by the window inside.

On one outing like this in the last couple of months, we got the diaper bag, picked up our masks, strapped Owen into his car seat all snug, grabbed the keys and headed to the car.

If you don’t have kids, getting out the door is a bit more of a process than it used to be pre-kids.

Between packing extra diapers and an extra outfit for baby (because spit-up and blowouts are never planned) and remembering not to lock yourself out of the house, it’s complicated and mentally draining.

We clicked the car seat into place on the back seat and climbed in ourselves, swapping glasses for sunglasses.

I confidently turned the car on, then stopped and looked at Ryan.

“Where are we going again?”

In the short span of time between gathering our things and getting in the car, I completely forgot the reason we were there to begin with. Mom brain is a real thing and causes real problems.

Since the quarantine started, I’ve read post after post and several blogs explaining the brain fog that descended upon us all. As our days looked more and more the same, our brains became more and more foggy and fuzzy.

Mom brain isn’t just an overall fog, clouding our brains and clogging our productivity. It’s an acknowledgement of our limited mental capacity.

Before motherhood I heard the phrase and attributed it to mere sleep deprivation with a new baby, which absolutely does happen. But sleep deprivation doesn’t account for the many different aspects of motherhood that take up space in our minds.

Don’t get me wrong, you are definitely more tired than before, but you adjust to the new normal sleep routine faster than television and movies would have you believe.

From experience, I can now say there’s more to mom brain than just sleeplessness and a fussy baby.

When I account for the countless tasks I perform as a mom to keep my son happy, healthy, and fed, there’s simply not enough space for much else.

There’s certainly not enough mental space for anything else when I’m holding him to keep him asleep for a nap because I know if I lay him down anywhere else he’ll wake up.

The lack of mental space created by mom brain is increasingly problematic as current events continue to demand my attention, time, and energy.

I find myself more and more mentally drained at the end of each day as I desire to turn my attention to what’s happening in our country and around the world, to learn and educate myself on the nuances and complexities of race in America.

My heart cares deeply for what’s happening, and many conversations are happening our home about it as I ponder the implications of raising my son with an awareness I didn’t have growing up.

But I must admit, there are times when I literally don’t have enough extra space to have these meaningful conversations. There are times when I see another news article and my eyes blur because my mental capacity to engage in these topics reaches its limit.

I’m not trying to make excuses for myself, rather, to point to the magnitude of these conversations and topics in our daily lives. Because these should be conversations we’re having and issues we’re pondering more than just every time we see it in the media.