Linking arms and ditching the New Year’s resolution comparison
What’s one thing you can count on each and every New Year? We make our list of resolutions, changes, or goals we swear we’ll actually accomplish this year. It’ll be different than all those other years before. I won’t give up this time.
Then that day swings around again. January 17, the day all our resolutions are flushed right out with the bath water, and what do we have to show for it? A haunting list of things we failed at right from the beginning of the year.
Whenever I start to think about eating healthier, to exercise more often, to write every day, or to finish that project I’ve been putting off for years, that list of unfinished and forgotten resolutions rises from its dusty, shallow grave. Like Ebenezer Scrooge’s friend Marley in A Christmas Carol, it’s a reminder of all I failed to do before.
Starting is the Easy Part
I imagine I’m not the only one to start the year ambitious and eager to conquer the world, only to find myself crawling, bruised and battered, to the end of the year. We all do this to some degree. We start strong and end waiting for another fresh start to begin all over again.
Starting the year with our ambitions and resolutions is easy. It’s finishing that’s hard and requires time, discipline, and dedication. Not everyone is a good finisher, and I’m right there with you, non-finishers.
I’m good at starting with my list all filled out and ready to go. I’m good at waking up on day one with a positive attitude and outlook. I might even be able to keep that up for a couple of weeks, but soon after that two-week mark, I start to tire of it all. That lofty goal I set out with begins to feel too big and requires too much to actually accomplish.
If I had to guess, I’d bet some of those resolutions on your list weren’t even on your radar until you heard a friend talking about hers. To make matters worse, she probably actually does all the things on her list, right? How dare she.
I’ve done this so many times before. I saw what someone else planned for their new year’s resolutions and thought, well, she obviously knows what she’s doing making these goals and resolutions. I’ll just do what she does, and it’ll work out great. And I happily add her resolutions to my list.
I don’t think twice about taking her list, scratching her name off the top, and scribbling mine, instead. Now ask me how successful I was at carrying out those action items in the New Year. Not very successful at all.
What happens when we put together a list of resolutions we found on other people’s lists? We are far more likely to give up on them. But why?
Don’t Let Your List End Up in the Elephant Graveyard of Resolutions
Our resolutions are much more personalized than I might think they are at first glance. Resolutions are intended to be smaller steps moving us closer to our big-picture goals. Whomever created those resolutions I pieced together had more in mind than just losing a few pounds. More than weight-loss, her overall goal was to improve her heart health and a weight loss regime was her first step.
I get into trouble when I picture resolutions as an overnight fix. I’ll write every day for a whole year and I’ll finally have my novel completed! I’ll eat healthy and exercise, and finally be attractive! There are multiple issues I could take up with this particular stance, but for now I’ll only tackle the problem at hand.
Remember when I said starting is easy? That’s the problem with the mentality behind these resolutions. Whether it’s weight-loss, finishing a project, or keeping the whole house spotless, the idea of overnight fixes just sets us up for disappointment and growing apathy toward finishing.
We’ve all heard the research about how many people give up on their resolutions by January 17 and I won’t tell you how to decide on your resolutions for the year. But I will give you this little piece of advice: think small, actionable steps, instead of big lofty goals.
When my list is filled with these big, overarching goals, like keeping my house clean and tidy all the time, eating only 1,200 calories a day (let me step in here really quickly to say, before making any decisions about how many calories to eat a day, consult a physician trained in this area), or waking up at 5 a.m. every morning. These goals take a lot of work to achieve. They are goals which require many small steps to make progress.
Lists filled with these kinds of goals are the kind that end up in the elephant graveyard of given up resolutions. Hear what I’m saying with this. It’s good to have big goals we’re working toward in life, in business, or personally, but our resolutions list should not be the place to list every goal you’ve ever dreamed.
Link Arms to Make Progress
If you’re anything like me from a few years ago, without realizing it you wait for this time of year with a stone in your gut, wondering, What am I going to have to live up to this time? We approach this time of new beginnings as if we’re being stripped bare and paraded through the streets. It’s both a public encouragement to hear the resolutions and goals we all have for the new year and deeply vulnerable to share where we need help.
The encouragement comes simply from the realization that I am not the only one struggling. The people I see sharing their lists might not have the exact same struggles, but by opening up about my resolutions I see the long line of arms to link with. That’s the next big part of this.
We don’t want to just use the resolutions given to us by others. Those aren’t specific enough to our lives and struggles and goals. I am much more likely to give up on them if I didn’t care enough to put it on a list for myself to begin with.
Rather than comparing my list to someone else’s, wouldn’t it be better to ask, how can I help you accomplish the things on your list this year?
Dive into partnership with your friends. Hold one another accountable to make real, lasting change, but give out grace like candy.
