Pray and Fast by Jodie Cooper

I hope you never get to the point in your marriage where this is your last, desperate hope, feeling like you have tried everything else. For me, it was a long journey before I received this now treasured advice. I had been in an abusive marriage for years. Never did I imagine that I would find myself in that place. NEVER did I imagine that I would be the abuser.

Growing up, I saw marriages where spouses treated each other badly and as I watched I knew in my heart it was wrong. But I found myself years down the track treating my husband in ways I had sworn I never would. I have a fiery personality, strong will and short fuse, especially under certain pressures. After the bliss of the honey moon period, we quickly found a groove that I felt worked for us. I was the boss, and my loving, gentle husband was there to fulfill all the desires of my heart.

I would use my mood, words and tone like carefully sharpened weapons to get what I wanted. This worked for years. It took a blunt conversation with my sister for me to finally realize that my husband’s cries for help were legitimate, because on my end, there wasn’t a problem. I was getting everything that I wanted.

Realizing the depth of the mess we were in, face-to-face with my emotionally abusive behaviors, we sought counselling. We asked for prayer from trusted friends. Things started to change. I joyfully told friends it now took me less than a week to admit when I was treating my husband badly, and to apologize and ask for God’s help. This was certainly progress.

But I still experienced deep, passionate rage at times that seemed to consume me. My anger felt like a lion, crouching in the long grass, ready to pounce at any moment. Even though I had made so much progress I despaired that I would never change, that God was not strong enough to help me. I was desperately looking for a silver bullet, a quick fix for this painful problem.

One day, over a meal, a friend shared about his struggles with anger early in his marriage. I was shocked to hear that God had transformed him from a window-smashing teen to the gentle, loving husband that I knew. I had to know more. I explained my situation. He didn’t hesitate to give me this simple piece of advice: Pray and fast.

Not the quick fix I wanted! I hated fasting (it made me hangry), couldn’t he just lay his hands on me, pray, and fix me? In desperation, I gave it a go.

As I had a young baby and a 2-year-old at the time, a full fast wasn’t practical, so I fasted in a way I could sustain. It took a week. A week of bathing myself in the truths God has given us about anger in His Word. A week of turning my hunger for food into a desperate hunger for God to come and change me. A week of realizing I had been grieving over my anger for the effect it was having on me, not because it was offending a holy God and affecting my life-giving relationship with Him.

That week till now has been a long journey of learning to see my sin as utterly sinful, unprofitable and destructive. I had still believed the lie that there was something to gain from my anger – it helped me get my way, gave me power. But the anger of Jodie does not produce the righteousness God desires. Ever.

Do I still get angry? My husband will tell you, yes. But does it happen as often, as explosively? No. I am still on my guard in situations that can set me off, but my heart is much quicker to repent, and run into the gracious arms of my Heavenly Father.

Why?

I used to think God couldn’t help me with my anger, so I couldn’t even face it. I now know better. I am a new creation, the old is gone, the new has come, and I can choose to repent and start walking by the Spirit at any time. This powerful truth has brought life and healing to my marriage and my soul.
Is there a mountain in your life that you just can’t move?

Pray and fast.

And if you, like me, find that this kind of deep resetting of the heart and mind doesn’t take place in an instant, rejoice.

Rejoice over every baby step the Lord leads you on, out of the darkness of sin and deception and into His glorious light.
Rejoice as He unveils to you the new heart He has gifted you with, that longs to do what is right and finds sin repulsive.
Rejoice as you find all the mercy, grace and forgiveness you could ever need in the arms of your savior.
Rejoice, for the God of the impossible is on your side. He is our only hope.

James 1:20

Jodie Cooper lives in Perth, Western Australia with her husband and two kids. After attending church all my life, a crisis in my marriage exposed the failings of my weak faith, leading me to discover for the first time the wonderful power of the gospel and its role in my daily life. I have written a series of family discipleship resources: fun, illustrated kids books with study guides to help families connect the gospel to their daily lives at home. I recently started a podcast, called the Gospel Led Family, where I share about overcoming my misunderstandings about the gospel and discipleship, and discuss the wisdom the Bible gives to equip us to disciple our families, in short, reflective Mum-friendly videos. Find more out about Jodie at https://good-news-in-the-gum-trees-1.jimdosite.com/

Also make sure you check out her book The Greatest Treasure: Lead you family to love God more than anything

Photo credit: Simona Sergi