Ushering in Peace through Confrontation
Frustration bubbles inside me as our conversation continues, but rather than say what I’m truly feeling I force a smile onto my face and let out a fake laugh.
I downplay my true feelings, pushing them to the side to keep the peace, but I’m fuming on the inside. The nerve of this woman astonishes me.
Instead, letting the pressure settle back to normal, my internal monologue vents its frustrations to itself and soon to Ryan, who agreed to hear them forever when he said, ‘I do.’
Recently, I chose Ryan as my avenue of venting the internal pressure of frustration and he was frustrated for me. But his comment on the situation stuck with me.
“Why did you let her push you around? Why didn’t you stand up for yourself?” he asked after allowing my pressure valve to fall back to normal.
“It’s just not worth the confrontation,” I quickly replied, believing every word as they left my mouth. After all, isn’t that what we’re supposed to do? Keep the peace between ourselves?
It wasn’t until a few days later that I started to wonder if my response had been the right one in this scenario.
I fully believe in the majority of cases ushering peace into a situation is the right thing to do, but are there times when we are called to confront someone? What if it isn’t a bad thing to stand up for myself if my heart is in the right place?
This is, obviously, something many people have discovered before me and is in no way an original idea, but sometimes it takes a lot of life experience to find these realizations for ourselves.
I’m one of those people who finds confrontation extremely uncomfortable. Any kind of confrontation makes my stomach tighten and my palms sweat.
In fact, it’s taken many years for me to be comfortable enough with confrontation to verify the price of items at a cash register! For years as a child, watching my mother do the same thing made me want to shrink and become part of the floor under my feet.
But I’ve discovered not all confrontation is created equal. There is confrontation intended to usher in peace to the relationship and there is confrontation intended only to hurt others.
Confrontation should come from conviction, not out of a desire to inflate my ego or have my own way.
I don’t need to feel bad about confronting someone if my intention is to sow seeds of peace, rather than maliciously stirring the pot.
We all know those people, fiction or real-life, warm-blooded humans, who use confrontation to make the lives of the people around them more difficult.
Maybe it’s past experience with confrontation that holds me back.
Maybe it’s society’s message to young women that our voices should be mild and meek like our manners that subdues mine in these situations.
God does call us to humility, but He doesn’t call us to be pushovers. Our roots in Christ grow deep so we can grow strong and firm and tall.
Sometimes it is right to be humble and hold our tongue, but occasionally, it is right to confront our fellow sisters and brothers. The trick is being grounded in scripture and led through prayer by the Holy Spirit.
If I rely only on the motivations of my human heart alone, my intentions will almost always fall on the wrong side of the line. But with Jesus as my friend and constant companion, I can rely on His wisdom and direction when I choose confrontation.
